he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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