Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
