Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
only if we run a train.
done.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
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