I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
