i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
