I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
