did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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