You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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