I want to have your abortion
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
