the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I forgot how hot balto sounded
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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