apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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