Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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