home. puking in laundry basket.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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