I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize