I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
