Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
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Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
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Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
They have beer where we have blood.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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