i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
