According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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