I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
