Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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