Soap is not a condiment
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
