I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I wanna passion pit in your ass
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Let's get the cat blown out
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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