You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
then he tried to convert me to islam
It's never too late to be topless.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
