It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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