The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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