My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
