Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
i think im in europe. pls send help
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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