wanna go halves on a baby?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
