Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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