idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
