It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
