I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Randomize
