so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
