Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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