"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
