why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
