this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
