Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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