We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
you made out with another girl for some wings
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
