He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
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