Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
