i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
