I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize