um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
