Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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