Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
