I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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