obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
