I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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