Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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