alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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