He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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