You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i came on her dog
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
