What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
