the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
