i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
