you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
