i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
