Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
he had hair everywhere except his balls
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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