so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
