Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Success! We fucked roommates!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
