you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
