Can i not drive my cunt home
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
is this the sara with the beer cane?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
