Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
