thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
