Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
There are leaves in my underwear?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
