ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
