you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Randomize
