Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
