According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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