So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He shit in the fireplace
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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