Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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