Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
