I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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