I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
